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DECEMBER 23, 2015

Embarrassing medical exams

A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, and was about to lift the lady's dress and take off her underwear. She began to shriek and push my hands away. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.
By Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,’ I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,’ Replied the patient.
By Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, Washington

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
By Dr. Susan Steinberg

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. 'Which one?’ I asked. 'The patch. The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
By Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, Virginia

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered, ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive, you know...'
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, Oregon

I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Clinton replied. I then asked to see the jelly and he produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
By Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, Michigan