DECEMBER 17, 2014
There was a snail who wanted to be a Formula One racing driver. He went to the track and asked if he could drive. The racing team manager said, "Yes, but you can't have a number on your car, you can only have an 'S' because you are a snail."
The snail was okay with this, so he entered the race. The race started and the snail's car was at the back, but suddenly he sped to the front, overtaking all the cars to win! As the spectators saw the snail speed past them, they yelled, "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
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A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender ..."It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
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An orchestra was playing Beethoven's 9th Symphony at a concert in the park. They were in the middle movements and the choir didn't have much to do. The basses, in the back, decided to run across the street to get a drink at a pub.
It was a windy day, so they found some string to wrap around their music stands to secure their music while they were gone. Once at the pub, they could hear the music and keep up with the progress of the piece.
After a few rounds, they decided that they had to hurry because the last movement of the symphony was under way. They stumbled back onto the bandstand and were fumbling with the string, trying to get the music loose. Unfortunately, they weren't having much success.
The conductor saw what was happening and instantly sized up the situation: it was the bottom of the ninth, the score was tied and the basses were loaded.
