SPOOF SPACE BY STEELE CODDINGTON | AUGUST 21, 2013
Every other month my dog Arbuckle and my horse Queenie, as associate animal editors of Spoof Space, like to answer health care questions from people they refer to as "Squirrel Foods," their euphemistic phrase for "nuts." But it's also a public service for the increasing number of innocent people purposely confused by a remarkably infamous government bureaucracy run by history's largest collection of liberal Squirrel Foods. Arbuckle and Queenie think reasonable beings like themselves can't believe what's happening to their country when the newest Dr. Frankenstein monster called Igorbamacare will soon control their lives.
Some new readers fortunately stumbling on this column wonder who Queenie and Arbuckle are and question their qualifications. In the interest of matching Obama's transparency, you should know Queenie has competed in every flatuation try-out sponsored by Harry Reid's Senate Renewable Gas, Energy and Noise Reduction Committee right on the Senate floor without disturbing one session. Arbuckle is a Border Collie whose IQ exceeds those of Senators Schumer and Durbin combined.
All of my animals, like many retired seniors today, try to live on dividend producing investments they bought with their savings to avoid depending on the gratuity of a reigning liberal monarch. My animals invest in the stock market using the finesse of animal instinct decidedly contrarian to anything Obama thinks will revive his perennially dead economy.
Arbuckle likes Barklays Bank for obvious reasons. His new girlfriend named Melancholy, is a dog who loves fruit, and invests in companies like Dole. Queenie's favorite funny saying is a play on words, "She was the stable-keepers' daughter and all the horsemen knew her," so she is inclined to invest in fertilizer companies. And my cat, whom I never mention because she's so anti-social, likes to invest in mew-niciple bonds. So that's the back ground, and now to the Q & A's:
Q. "Is Obama sincere, running around pretending Obamacare is good for us?"
A. No, he doesn't care. He's just giving speeches to satisfy his addiction to teleprompters.
Q. “Under Obamacare, will doctors provide good medical care?"
A. Only when their bureaucrat bosses are on vacation or attending a line dancing seminar.
Q. "But will the bureaucrats discriminate on patient care?"
A. Yes, if the IRS gives them your voting records.
Q. "What will mental care under Obamacare tell us?"
A. That legislators who passed the Bill need psychiatric treatment.
Q. "What could be worse than higher costs caused by Obamacare?"
A. The list of funeral homes they provide if you are a senior.
Q. "Is there a country with good socialized medicine nearby that you could recommend?"
A. You might try Cuba. Hugo Chavez recommended it in his will.
Q. "How about Arab countries and hospital care?"
A. Well, if it's like other "free" socialized care, they're short of beds so they give you a ticket to the Bed-o-win raffle. If they can't cure your ailment, they assign you to a suicide bomb squad.
Q. "Who can afford the Affordable Act?"
A. Finding that out is like trying to find a virgin in a house of prostitution.
Q. "Will the bureaucrats hold the doctors to some standard of care?"
A. Yes, they will conform to Dr. Confucius' Ancient Rhymed Oaths:
'Removing Bladder may not matter.
Removing Heart not too smart.'
Q. "Can animals keep going to veterinarians under Obamacare?"
A. Yes, that's the only way they can keep their own doctors.