BY DR. DAVE HEPBURN | AUGUST 1, 2012
Quacks are flying with both wings
Dr. Sealey and I have become quite consistent in our tweeting, since, as he likes to say, he began eating those hemp seed bran muffins every morning. Regardless, for those of you who are tweetless here is an update of our precious sought after tweets, which are out there in the twitterverse along with herpes and Charlie Sheen (redundant?). Determining which Wisequack has written which tweet is rather easy. If you find the tweet witty, informative, cultured and on a higher overall intellectual plane, then that would be one of us. If however, the tweet appears to be written by a six year old on Red Bull and jujubes, then that would be the other of us who is not used to writing newspaper columns and has no photo attached to this column. Good luck.
-Headline: "Addiction to video games causing kids to skip after school physical activities." Great! Skipping burns 675 calories an hour.
-Tattoos are starting to replace MedicAlert bracelets as a way to warn about a medical condition...Ozzy Osbourne must be really sick.
-Studies of the use of vitamin K2 for Parkinsons disease got off to a shaky start but now appear promising. Big hill to climb for a vitamin.
-Dermatologists are threatening job action in a pay dispute with the government...sounds like a rash decision.
-FDA approves first weight loss drug in 13 years! Called lorcaserin. Take 200 gelcaps before every meal with Menthos and Diet Coke.
-It's predicted that half of all Americans will be obese by 2030...my guess is that it will start with the bottom half.
-To combat obesity, scientists r trying to convert energy-storing white fat to energy-burning brown fat. Might be quicker to just get a tan?
-FDA announces approval of levaquin for treatment of the plague. Talk about a backlog. Next up, a vaccine for scurvy.
-Apparently taking codeine while breast feeding won't cause harm to newborns...except mothers can't remember which one is their kid.
-1/3 of those with arthritis over age 45 develop anxiety and depression. It appears being dysjointed creates a state of being ..disjointed
-A research gynecologist has successfully isolated the G-spot in an 83 yr. old cadaver...proving it's better late than never.
-Researchers have found that obesity is related to the environment we live in...explains the low vacancy rate in donut shops.
-Study shows that our left cheek shows more emotion and is our best side. But if you don't want to show your emotions...wear thicker pants.
-Depression causes poor blood flow to the heart and legs which in turn causes depression which causes poor blood flow to the heart and legs..
-Apparently the makers of Viagra are worried about stiff competition from the generic companies...sounds like a taste of their own medicine.
-More people seeking chin implant surgery due to having seen themselves on video chat. Universal donor, Jay Leno, currently in hiding.
-A meeting by protestors against circumcision had to be cut short...much like the reason they were protesting in the first place.
-Stem cells from the pelvic bone marrow may restore cardiac tissue damaged by a heart attack! No wonder Elvis was a heartthrob.
-Newest bad food gone good is POPCORN (air popped the best), great fibre, excellent antioxidant, wonderful floss inducer.
-Coincidence that Sealey is back from Disneyland and they suddenly can't find Goofy? Now the quacks are flying with both wings.
-Apparently eating chocolate can make you slimmer...so far,I've had 22 Snickers bars and I haven't lost an ounce.
-Sleep apnea may be linked to depression. Sleep apnea->hypertension->heart attack->death->pool boy now wearing your housecoat->depression.