Mullet Over

BY JAMES K. WHITE  | JANUARY 25, 2012

Experiment goes under the “oops” column

Many strange events transpired during the American Civil War. On that list is the circumstance wherein Missouri never seceded, yet the state was readmitted to the Union (1861).

When Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain on August 3rd of 1492, he had a contract with the Spanish royalty that gave him perks such as a 10 percent share of all profits, a governorship and the title of Admiral if his mission were deemed “successful.” On October 12, 1492 (at approximately 2 a.m.), land was sighted and the world began to change.

Some years back (12 million), the region we call Nebraska was occupied by herds of three toed horses (Cormohipparion occidentale). Since then, the one-toed variety has pretty much replaced the Cormo-whatevers.

William Taft was the first U.S. president to regularly play golf. Otherwise, he seemed rather normal.

So many products are produced in China these days that one might assume (incorrectly) that the Asian giant would be the number one producer of chopsticks. However, Americus (population 17,000), Georgia has been producing approx. 10,000,000 sets per week and exporting the eating utensils to Japan, South Korea and yes, China. A scarcity of the required raw materials in Asia has prompted the situation.

As of 2010, there were 442 cities worldwide that have recorded populations that exceed one million. China encompasses 89 such municipalities while India contains 46 of the burgeoning urban (different from urbane) regions.

In 1946, some enterprising Argentinians introduced 25 pairs of beavers into their country in an effort to develop a local fur trade.

Things have since gotten way out of hand. In 2010, there were an estimated 100,000 beavers thriving in an area with no natural predators and a defunct fur industry. Streams and small rivers have been dammed, forests destroyed and ecosystems significantly altered. This experiment goes under the “oops” column (apologies to Mr. Perry). The bordering nation of Chile has been beaver-invaded and an alarmed Chilean Environmental Minister said “the landscape will never be the same.”

A short while back, some clever people in New York City launched a winter campaign to sell a particular brand of coffee. Manhole covers were painted to resemble a cup featuring a famous coffee logo and the “steam” drifting from around the “cup” produced a truly effective visual illusion. The problem was that most of these covers were over sewers, so the smell hardly resembled any delicious brew. The ad campaign was short-lived. Well, be on the alert for a three-toed Nebraskan pony and have a delightful week.

James White is a retired mathematics teacher who enjoys sharing fascinating trivia. He can be reached at [email protected].

Costello calls to buy a computer from Abbott

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start with some straight answers.
What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. At no extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on 'START.'

Written by Tom King (c) 2004, 2009 Flint, Texas

Puzzle Solutions

      

Crossword Puzzle

Sudoku Puzzle

Answers for both puzzles are at the
bottom of this page

January 25 – 31, 2012

For All Signs:  On Jan. 23rd the planet Mars, ancient god of war, turned retrograde and remains so until April 13.  This phenomenon has not portended well for the inauguration of presidents.  Lincoln, McKinley and John Kennedy all came to power during Mars retrograde and their fates are well documented.  (President Obama was also inaugurated on this planet’s retrograde.)  It seems that he who draws a sword or assumes power during this period eventually finds it turned on himself.  When Mars is retrograde we are well advised against filing suit, going hunting or undergoing elective surgery (a different type of sword.)  Read your sun and rising signs below to identify where the pressure is for you over the next 3 months.

Aries:  The warrior energy is now in your 6th house of work and health.  During the retrograde period you may find it difficult to maintain your usual exercise and diet routine.  While Mars is retrograde it is common to plateau on physical goals, such as weight loss, but it is temporary.  Do not give up.

Taurus:  Mars is retrograding in the house concerning romance, children, gambling, and playful activities.  While this is happening, you may be strongly inclined to "go back" to a former condition in one or more of these areas.  Newer relationships may be put on hold for a few weeks.

Gemini:  Mars is retrograding in your territory of home and property.  Because Mars rules machinery and tools of all kinds, there may be breakdowns of household equipment.  It is generally better to repair items now and replace them after the retrograde.  It is best to avoid buying new mechanical items while Mars is retrograding.

Cancer:  Mars is retrograding in the horoscope sector that relates to vehicles, tools, and communication.  Mars in this territory may represent the need to make repairs on various objects.  It is possible that you are irritated with siblings, roommates, or neighbors.  It is OK to respond to them, but do not initiate battle.

Leo:  Mars is in the sector related to income and outgo.  You may feel absolutely compelled to purchase something expensive and impractical.  It is more favorable to wait out the transit and see how you feel about it in late April.  Meanwhile there may be more outgo than income, so use cautious judgment.

Virgo:  Your physical and libidinal energy may go into a dip for a few weeks.  You may be surprised to find that you have changed your mind about circumstances and people in your life.  Do not worry.  You haven't lost your mind.  You are needing a rest and will return refreshed if you relax now.

Libra: While Mars is retrograding, you probably will not have the energy and drive to which you are accustomed.  It will do little good to beat yourself up over this issue.  Consider that Mars is asking you to slow down, just for a couple of months.  Your body needs a rest.  Things will ultimately return to normal.

Scorpio:  You may be recognizing the need to back off or back out of some of your friendships and community associations during this period.  At minimum you will be reassessing why you are involved and whether you wish to continue in the future.  Friends and associates from the past may resurface.

Sagittarius:  Issues of career and future direction are impacted during this Mars retrograde.  Final decisions about your path simply cannot be made at this time.  There are too many detour signs.  Set your mind to recognize that things will be fuzzy through April.  Meanwhile, manage your daily needs and hold your mind to the present moment.

Capricorn:  You likely will experience delays in activities concerning the law, education, and travel.  If traveling, you may be going back to someplace where you have previously been.  You may have to redo paperwork in order to accomplish the same thing in a different style or format.

Aquarius:  Activities concerning taxes, insurance payoffs, government funding, and loans will likely be delayed, and maybe even denied.  This is a good time to talk with your partner about issues concerning joint resources.  It is not a good time to attack, but only to discuss and look for mutually favorable solutions.

Pisces:  Mars, the god of war, is in your partnership territory.  Therefore it is particularly important not to attack another, verbally or physically.  If you have enemies, let them make the first move and you will be assured of ultimate victory over the issue.  Your significant other may be seething with the need to make changes, but it is too soon.

Are you interested in a personal horoscope?  Vivian Carol may be reached at 704-366-3777 for private psychotherapy or astrology appointments.  Visit http//www.horoscopesbyvivian.com.