SpoofSpace
Health, politics, sex and animals
By Steele Coddington | September 23, 2009
Health, politics, sex and animals? Is there anything else? Yes, of course, but my advisory panel said those four subjects cover just about everything that’s on the minds of most Americans and visiting Canadians and we should put more emphasis on those four. The one Canadian on my panel thought we should also include hockey as a subject, but relented when I gave him a hockey puck with his first name etched into one side, and a maple leaf on the other. I hummed “O Canada” when I presented it to him because I wanted a friend in a country I could go to after the U.S. government spends itself into oblivion.
My friend lives in Saskatchewan and describes it as being so flat that if your dog runs away, you can still see him after three days. My dog Arbuckle thought that was very funny. He said if a Canadian dog was running south to the U.S. it probably was to find a veterinarian because they are so scarce as animal doctors in Canada. They now replace the MDs formerly in the National Health Care Program who fled to the U.S. following their former patients. Imagine taking a number in the doctor’s office with three dogs, a horse and a goat in line ahead of you.
Moving on to politics and our quote of the week: “You can’t have a welfare state and open borders.” Thanks to Nobel Prize winning economist Milton Friedman, economic advisor to innumerable countries and presidents. He believed economic freedom is a necessary condition for political freedom. A capitalism advocate, he understood that freer markets lead to freer people. One of his many books “Money Mischief” is a prediction of what will happen when massive deficit spending causes hyper inflation – literally destroying a country. Hello Obama!
Friedman’s quote, uttered years ago, was chosen this week for its particular relevance to the consequences of Obama’s healthcare bill and the likelihood that millions of illegal immigrants will be sneaked into eligibility by obfuscating legislative language. All in conformity with the Saul Alinsky playbook that guides the Anointed One and the Fruitcake Brigade in the D.C. Funny Farm as the new breed of coyotes. Does that need translation?
Not if you were at the Arizona Tea Party in Phoenix last week. Loyal Americans, there and in national outpourings, expressed fears and concerns about a radical transformation of the greatest country on earth and were insulted as racists. The simple truth expressed by Governor Haley Barbour was, “It’s not about black or white. It’s about left or right!” Or, to adapt the Tea Party message to an earlier election slogan, “It’s not about race stupid, it’s about ACORN, czars, spending, government control, union influence, radical agendas, socialism, controlled media and SEIU.”
The President’s claim that healthcare costs will be reduced by his plan is the forked-tongue joke of the week in government employee unions. Think about this! In the comparatively “small” United Kingdom, their representative to the European Union, David Hannon, has said their National Health Service “... is the third biggest employer in the world after the red army in China and the Indian National Railway.” Over 1.4 million people, predominantly administrators? Guess who might operate on you if it happens here? An illegal veterinarian from Canada? Take a number after my dog Arbuckle.
Red Skelton’s recipe for the perfect marriage
A well-known routine of Red Skelton’s:
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companion-ship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
I take my wife everywhere … but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.
My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me “In the lake.”
She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling “Am I too late for the garbage?” … The driver said “No, jump in!”
Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
The last fight was my fault though! My wife asked “What’s on the TV?” I said “Dust!”