SpoofSpace:
Get the right change ...
By Steele Coddington | June 3, 2009
Because money never comes easy, whenever I purchased something as a kid, my mother always asked, “Did you get the right change?” In other words, count your money and your fingers! Speaking metaphorically, I got the right change recently, on a trip to China, from an inscrutably learned mental fitness Buddhist. He was dressed as a Tibetan monk, on his way to Shanghai. The donkey he was riding stepped in a hole near the Great Wall of China and threw him into the Wall. I happened to be visiting the site while on a business trip to sell Cardio Pulmonary Resuscitators to a government agency in Beijing known as the Asian Communist Organization to Reform Nations (ACORN). Their representative, I found out later, was really a Communist agitator who re-sold the CPR machines on the black market to finance closet Marxist politicians in decadent free market democracies. The U.S. was his biggest market.
Being at the accident scene, I was able to administer CPR to the injured monk, who by the next day, in his tent, thanked me profusely with a high-five, for saving his life. I thought the high-five unusual but not as strange as the New York Yankees baseball cap on his head.
Referring to the hat, he said, “I’m a Yankee fan,” and then with a mischievous grin said, “My name is Monk Kee See.” He laughed and said, “I’m not really a monk. I’m a baseball scouting coach traveling disguised as a monk to recruit young athletes from Tibet for the Shanghai Yangtzees baseball team.” He explained that he was the team’s Attitude Coach. He taught mental fortitude using a sports mental-judo program he developed and described as SLHUGs. “We teach our players how to become SLHUGers to build character, bat better, change their lives and attract fans.” He described the letters of the SLHUG program:
S is for Smile: A positive mental exercise. “A smiling countenance pleases Buddha and improves the atmosphere because it causes happy reciprocation by those on whom it is bestowed.”
L is for Laps: “We hope to encourage 10 laps a month.” Great, I thought, all I have to do is convince 10 women a month to let me sit on their laps. “No,” Kee See explained that ‘laps’ is an analogy. “In our culture, laps are where we hold children to comfort them. Doing ‘laps’ in the SLHUGs program is simply our way to help other people swim through any troubled waters of their life by offering our laps symbolically as a comfort when their hearts are in turmoil.
HUGs is for … hugs: “There’s no argument against hugs. Everyone needs one. Every hug is an effort to reach out.” One of Monk Kee See’s slogans is, “Don’t be a hostile bugger, be a friendly hugger.” His bumper sticker is: “Don’t bug someone, hug someone.” So, three reasonably small steps called SLHUGs you can believe in.
“SLHUGs you can believe in,” is a hell of a lot more credible than the empty rhetoric, “Change you can believe in.” I think it was Buddha who said, “The promise of change is eternally followed by a stranger’s hand in your pocket, or the IRS in your pants.”
Be sure you get the right change ...
Profound Statements
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress. – John Adams
If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. – Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. – Mark Twain
I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
– Winston Churchill
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
– George Bernard Shaw
A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
– G. Gordon Liddy