By Charles Marshall | February 18, 2009
I don't know if you are aware of it, but I am the guy who invented Kiss-Jeep. There are some parts of the country where Kiss-Jeep hasn’t caught on yet, so let me explain.
Let’s say you’re driving down the road with your loved one(s). The first one in the car that spots a Jeep Wrangler (Jeep Cherokees don’t count), yells “Kiss-Jeep!” and receives a kiss from the other party.
(Note to guys: This game should not be played when it’s just you and your male friends in the car. Once you go down that road, then the next thing you know, you’re all crying, sharing your feelings, and shopping together. You don’t want to open that door.)
Why Wranglers? I like ’em. I might want one some day. Some have advanced the theory that this is a symptom of a rapidly approaching mid-life crisis. Be that as it may, that’s the vehicle you use for the game, and that’s that.
Now I realize that this whole thing sounds a bit mushy and, well, stupid, but I had to invent this game as a defense against Punch-Bug.
I just heard of Punch-Bug about six or seven months ago. I was driving around with someone when suddenly they yelled, “Punch-Bug!” while simultaneously reaching over and whomping me on the arm. When I demanded an explanation, they looked at me with that look of mingled pity and disbelief that, if it were spoken, would sound like, “What a moron.” It turns out that Punch-Bug has been around since the Garden of Eden and is played with Volkswagen Beetles and punching, rather than Wranglers and kisses.
This is an incredible concept to me—that there is actually a circumstance where it's not only okay to hit someone, but it's considered a good thing.
Amazing! I could’ve been assaulting people all my life and getting away with it, had I just known. I wonder now if there are other crimes one may commit and get away with if one knows the right thing to say. You see a nice car, yell, “Steal Mercedes!” hop in and drive off. What a world!
So I hear about this Punch-Bug thing, go home, tell my wife, and before you can say “black and blue,” we’re driving down the road knocking the fool out of each other. After a while, I realize that she’s much better at this than I am because, while I’m driving and looking at the road, traffic signals, speedometer, etc., the only activity she’s engaged in is spotting Volkswagens and hitting me. She’s a very competitive woman.
Seeing I’m getting nowhere with this, I expanded the rules to include Slap-Van, Pinch-Truck, Hair-Yank-Import and Gouge-18-Wheeler. Even so, she soon caught on and was beating me senseless.
That’s when I had my Kiss-Jeep brainstorm. I thought, ‘Which would be better—being punched or being kissed by one’s sweetheart?’ Hmmm. (Oddly enough, I can actually give you names of couples that would choose the punching.)
Now, since my eyes are automatically drawn to any Wrangler on the road, I’m spotting them left and right and having the time of my life! But the cool thing about Kiss-Jeep is, even when you lose, you win. Cool, huh?
Which gets me to my point, and that is: If you don’t like the game, either change the rules or play a different game. I wonder if that might be what it means in Romans 12:22 when it says: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (NIV)
Every day we’re bombarded with ideologies and standards that we didn’t choose. We’re told that to be loved and/or accepted we must have a certain look, wear a particular style of clothes, drive a nice car, or live in a nice house.
We find ourselves in the middle of a game that we can’t hope to win, and the funny thing is, a lot of us don’t even question the game. We just jump in and try to compete.
But here’s an idea for you: What if, instead of playing this game, we measured our actions, values, and standards, not according to popular opinion, but by the Bible? What if we looked at our lives and measured our thoughts and attitudes, not by what the media or even our friends say, but rather by what God says?
Why continue playing a game that God never intended for us, only to get beaten up? What if we chose to change the rules and play a different game rather than trying to hit harder and quicker than everyone else? What if we invested ourselves in a kingdom that is to come instead of a system that will one day pass away?
In the meantime, you can keep playing Punch-Bug if you want. Me? I’m keeping both hands on the wheel and my eyes on the road.
Oh, I might keep an eye out for the occasional Wrangler here and there.
Charles Marshall is a Christian comedian and author. Visit his website at charlesmarshallcomedy.com