Men and women – Same planet, different universe - PART 2

by Charles Marshall | July 9, 2008

Laughing MattersLast month I discussed how men and women communicate so differently. Take arguments, for example. Well, not arguments, because there aren’t any fights or arguments in a Christian marriage, are there? But occasionally my wife and I will have disagreements — heated, passionate, throwing things, you’ll-probably-see-us-next-week-on-”C*O*P*S” disagreements.

Okay, we have fights.

Sometimes I find myself wishing our arguments played out like a courtroom scene from an old “Perry Mason” rerun.

Me (Perry): I don’t appreciate you taking the car when you knew that I was going to use it.
Wife (Witness): I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Me (Perry): Don’t you? Did you not, on the morning of May
Wife: I did not!
Me: Yes, you did!
Wife: So, I’m lying to you. Is that what you’re saying?
Me: What? I said no such thing. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!
Wife: Oh, so now you think I’m stupid. (Bursts into tears)

I have it from a reliable source that all women are secreted away earlier in life to learn these Jedi mind tricks that keep men from knowing which way is up in an argument.

Another frustration that men have in communicating with women is that women are allergic to proper nouns and therefore replace them with pronouns without a thought.
Instead of saying “I told Karen that Frank is going to Macy’s to buy some socks,” a women will tidy up that sentence by discarding all those pesky proper nouns, and replace them with pronouns, so that the sentence will turn into “I told her that he is going to buy some of those things at that place.”

Amazingly, women have no problem communicating with each other this way. It would seem they even understand one another.

Karen: I went over there the other day and she told me that he took their things there and gave them to her.
Lucy: Well, she already has all his things over there but she’s not going to want all her stuff anyway.
Karen: That is so true.

That’s just fine, ladies. Go for it. Talk to each other that way all you want but you must understand we men just don’t get it.

Man: What did you do today?
Woman: I went over there to get some things.
Man: Oh, okay. So, when are you going to get the baby clothes from Kathy?
Woman: I just told you that I went over there today and got them. You never listen to me.
Man: I did too. You didn’t say anything about going over to Kathy’s.
Woman: So, I’m lying to you. Is that what you’re saying?

Of course, the biggest hurdle to jump in any relationship is pride. That one teeny little thing can derail a simple conversation like nothing else. Real communication can only begin when you check self-interest at the door.

A good snapshot of what that looks like might be the way God chose to connect with mankind. Instead of treating man like a despicable, hateful creature, God chose to lower himself to the level of man, so that he could communicate with us on our level.
Certainly not the safest method but definitely the most effective.

I have to cut this short now because I hear my wife calling me from the next room. I think she wants to tell me about that thing with her over at that place. I’m going to go act like I know what she’s talking about.

Charles Marshall is a Christian comedian and author. Visit his website at