A Change Of Pace

Spoof Space
Vortexes, Sedona and you

By Steele Coddington | December 31, 2008

steeleA visit to Sedona at least once a year should be a must for every red blooded American. It is a fun place, stimulating meditatively, intellectually and spiritually – and especially because it is so incredibly beautiful. But that’s only a scintilla of its mystique. Add to all the other superlatives there, the intimate sense of connectedness to the earth and the presence of its vibrancy, palpable to those who reach out to embrace it and its personality, as you would a warm friend. One of the blessings widely recognized by visitors and residents alike is the area’s authenticity as a place with a peaceful aura that generates an unusual energy force recognizable to anyone sufficiently receptive to its subtle pervasiveness.

The energy is described as a vortex, a word of innumerable meanings, most understood on a personal level by the individual interpreting it, to whatever degree of seriousness their intellect and sensitivities are invested. Sedona author Dennis Andres in his excellent mini-book “What’s a Vortex” captures the essence of vortexes, what and where they are, with care and understanding. One sentence especially was relevant for me – “The energy acts as an amplifier, magnifying what we bring to it on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels.” His website is www.MrSedona. com. You would enjoy any of his three books.

Many visitors jest, albeit affectionately, or disbelievingly about the reality of vortexes or the energy generated, which is OK because the vortexes often retaliate with a rare sense of humor. Needless to say, mocking a vortex in its own neighborhood is inadvisable, and tantamount to ridiculing a Muse of any sort. Can you imagine a serious poet belittling the goddess of poetry, or one of the nine daughters of Zeus?

There is a story, confirmed by witnesses, of a skeptic wearing a pair of pleated cord pants, standing in the center of a known vortex location, who loudly pooh-poohed the power or existence of a vortex. In answer to his challenge, it is reported, a very strong circular wind swirled around him. When the dust settled, everything was fine – except his pants were on backwards. The pleats and the fly were now covering his derriere. Some say they heard an amused chuckle from out of nowhere.

I guess, like everything else, you get out of things what you put into them. My own experience, as I stood at the apex of a vortex site was spiritual – somewhat unusual for a dispenser of sometimes irreverent satire. It was just before Christmas, and looking intently at the entire valley of unparalleled red rock beauty, realization of the presence of the one great Vortex, the Ultimate Vortex in heaven, moved me to prayers of thanks for my family, friends, and a high regard for Shari Jo and Don Sorchych, fellow distinguished word warrior, now recovering from a stroke, and prayers for the work of the entire staff of Sonoran News, a courageous newspaper.

To the unknown but vast sea of intelligent, good looking readers who occasionally find some small grain of humor in my ramblings, good luck and may your pants or underpants never be turned around by a whirling vortex. A happy and prosperous New Year to YOU, and God bless all your energies.


Parent – Job descripton

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

And a footnote: “There is no retirement – ever!!!